2013-12-22 11:58:19

Letter 37

Hello John jaan. Saying your name using Farsi idioms is so cute. “Dear” is “jaan” in Farsi, you know. So to say you name in Farsi, I should say John jaan, instead of Dear John!
In three months it will be five years that a void has replaced your place in my life. You don’t have any idea what I have been through during the past five years. You don’t know what it means to suffer every day for five years. The suffering goes on and on until eventually it gets to the point where one goes “ghompoo”. “Ghompoo” is a Shirazi idiom. It means you are under pressure, further and further, so much so the pressure explodes you. You explode and the fire burns not only you but also the ones around you. Their fire starts to burn too. It burns so hot that they explode too and all that heat gets into your soul. You end up with a burning fire within yourself while you are surrounded my the heat of those burning around you.

This whole city, this whole land is a burning fire to me. Our Hafez says it best: We have taken our chances in this city. We should take our belongings out of here now. I should go. I should leave this damn land every corner of which burns my soul. I have lost everything I had. I have so few things left: remains of a hope that sparkles in my heart. I want to leave this land. This land is only Shiraz to me, the city that’s been taken from me too. I don’t have any hope in staying here. I should go. I don’t like this land, but I will miss it, for I used to be happy some times in it. I want to join you and work with you hand in hand. I desire the serenity I’d have with you. I miss you very much. I remember how much you loved me. There is a big gap between us, both in terms of distance and age, but the distance annoys me more.

Wait for me John. I’ll join you soon and we’ll live together till the world ends. The demise you see in the photo, the withered leaves about to die, and the death behind it, will be replaced with another world, a more beautiful, hopeful, promising world. This death is tough, but the sweet thought of another world with you makes it more bearable for me. I can smell the scent of its blossoms and flowers even now.

I love you my Jaan!

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